I'm a smart, funny, resourceful, and resilient woman who is creatively gifted and somewhat twisted. Show me a heap of stuff and I can make it into almost anything ... usually subtly sexually suggestively, too.

I'm also a Librarian - don't be judging, because I'll surprise you *and* your little preconceived notions.

I'm 1/2 geek and 1/2 redneck; I hunt and fish, read for pleasure and am computer-nerdy. Ask me about Waterbears, the coolest microscopic animals out there.

I can speak with multi-syllabic words, have all my teeth (not in a jar) and although old sports injuries are slowing me down (I'm looking at YOU, knees - that level of creaking and pain is totally not called for) it's nothing some Tylenol and profanity won't address.

I scored in the 99th% on the Miller Analogy test, (to get into Grad School - my undergrad grades were atrocious) so I know a bunch of facts - some of which might actually be useful.

I can ... 
ride horseback,  
shoot straight,  
train animals,  
give injections,  
beat people competently with a hunk of rattan, 
build things from wood,  
carve wood,  
paint, draw, sketch well 
know a little about solder and welding,  
know a lot about circular saws and drills,  
hunt and fish successfully,  
make museum-quality replicas  
...and I can sing dozens of filthy songs and a couple that are family-friendly. (not a pro - but I can carry a tune and keep time)  
 
see my website for more information - I'm willing to relocate 
 
www.maggieahrens.com